It’s a lot of time that I don’t blog…
The reason, mostly, is that I don’t have time to do so.

However I have to admit that…
… when in a particular moment of your life, you don’t find time for yourself …
… this is probably a thing you should look into.

And that’s what I’m doing today, reading my paper-written notes, my “to do” lists, and trying to give them a “when” and a “why”.
It’s interesting to see the evolution that besides inside this feelings and writings about my thought of that moment.

Because I don’t have the time to publish this stuff with the correct date, I will just write it down here and translate it when needed.
I’ll use a separator to make understand that time is passed from a note to the next.

In the future, I will be more careful about my feelings.
Stopping to care about them is a bad sign.

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In this years I became a bastard.

When this happened?
When I stopped to care about the rest of the world?
I have always been a kind and generous person…

The perception of me in the eyes of the other people is horrible,
and it makes increase my sadness.

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I ask myself… “what should I do?”
I just stare here… to watch myself in the mirror, like if I’m waiting for something.
What I’m waiting for?
What should I do?
Who should ripple me?

Is it real that something from the sky will come and pull me out from this mess?
Or I’m just deceiving myself for the umpteenth time?

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You know…
In this days I watch myself in the mirror, incapable to understand what I want to do.
Something changed in the last months …

I’m unable to recognize myself in what I see.
The person that I known or that I believed to known.
I would like to have the time to stop a bit, and to think about what I’m doing.
But this master in photography is killing me, and work fills up everything else.

But at the end I understand… that this is just my way of living.
It’s my entire life that I fill up every free moment, so I can’t stop.
Am I doing this so I can’t think?
If that’s true, I’m not different from the people I hate.

I would have a lot to give to this world.
But I’m unable to take it out.

Once upon a time I was unable to do that, but at least people believed in me because I was transmitting to them beautiful sensations with the energy I had inside.
Now that my heart begun a infertile piece of ice, people that surrounds me can’t see what there is inside it.
I feel incredibly alone and misunderstood, in an way that, besides for the past, I can’t tolerate.

I feel like I arrived nearly to the end… but I don’t know of what.
I feel that I nearly finished the cards to play with, and I also know that someday someone will knock and ask If I won or loose.

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When I’m alone, withdrawn in my thoughts …
… I strive big and high things, huge projects, I feel like I can brake the world in two pieces and do whatever of my life.

When I go outside, the world around me corrupts my soul and my mind.
The only thing I can think about is to touch the ass of the girls around me, or to do nasty things with them.

I still have to work on my will.

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Now that I start to understand what I want,
all takes shape and get sharper.

The importance of the things around me changes,
and also the one of the people.

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…
By the moment that when I obtain what I need
I stop to be interested in it, and to crave it
which sense haves to shake my tail like a fish
that’s suffocating outside his bowl?

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I wish I could dedicate to myself.
Maybe, it’s the only well-advised thing I could do and that could make me live better.