June 29, 2008

I uploaded some new pictures in my recent photos page.

As always, it’s just funny stuff I do wandering arround.

My good work is coming, but I’m creating a whole new website for it.

June 22, 2008

It’s a lot of time that I don’t blog…
The reason, mostly, is that I don’t have time to do so.

However I have to admit that…
… when in a particular moment of your life, you don’t find time for yourself …
… this is probably a thing you should look into.

And that’s what I’m doing today, reading my paper-written notes, my “to do” lists, and trying to give them a “when” and a “why”.
It’s interesting to see the evolution that besides inside this feelings and writings about my thought of that moment.

Because I don’t have the time to publish this stuff with the correct date, I will just write it down here and translate it when needed.
I’ll use a separator to make understand that time is passed from a note to the next.

In the future, I will be more careful about my feelings.
Stopping to care about them is a bad sign.

In this years I became a bastard.

When this happened?
When I stopped to care about the rest of the world?
I have always been a kind and generous person…

The perception of me in the eyes of the other people is horrible,
and it makes increase my sadness.

I ask myself… “what should I do?”
I just stare here… to watch myself in the mirror, like if I’m waiting for something.
What I’m waiting for?
What should I do?
Who should ripple me?

Is it real that something from the sky will come and pull me out from this mess?
Or I’m just deceiving myself for the umpteenth time?

You know…
In this days I watch myself in the mirror, incapable to understand what I want to do.
Something changed in the last months …

I’m unable to recognize myself in what I see.
The person that I known or that I believed to known.
I would like to have the time to stop a bit, and to think about what I’m doing.
But this master in photography is killing me, and work fills up everything else.

But at the end I understand… that this is just my way of living.
It’s my entire life that I fill up every free moment, so I can’t stop.
Am I doing this so I can’t think?
If that’s true, I’m not different from the people I hate.

I would have a lot to give to this world.
But I’m unable to take it out.

Once upon a time I was unable to do that, but at least people believed in me because I was transmitting to them beautiful sensations with the energy I had inside.
Now that my heart begun a infertile piece of ice, people that surrounds me can’t see what there is inside it.
I feel incredibly alone and misunderstood, in an way that, besides for the past, I can’t tolerate.

I feel like I arrived nearly to the end… but I don’t know of what.
I feel that I nearly finished the cards to play with, and I also know that someday someone will knock and ask If I won or loose.

When I’m alone, withdrawn in my thoughts …
… I strive big and high things, huge projects, I feel like I can brake the world in two pieces and do whatever of my life.

When I go outside, the world around me corrupts my soul and my mind.
The only thing I can think about is to touch the ass of the girls around me, or to do nasty things with them.

I still have to work on my will.

Now that I start to understand what I want,
all takes shape and get sharper.

The importance of the things around me changes,
and also the one of the people.

…
By the moment that when I obtain what I need
I stop to be interested in it, and to crave it
which sense haves to shake my tail like a fish
that’s suffocating outside his bowl?

I wish I could dedicate to myself.
Maybe, it’s the only well-advised thing I could do and that could make me live better.

Filed Under Thoughts

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A Letter to Elise

June 22, 2008

That’s one of my favourite The Cure’s song.
Romantic, deep.
Love it.

Get the Flash Player to see the wordTube Media Player.

A letter to Elise

oh elise it doesn’t matter what you say
i just can’t stay here every yesterday
like keep on acting out the same
the way we act out
every way to smile
forget
and make-believe we never needed
any more than this
any more than this

oh elise it doesn’t matter what you do
i know i’ll never really get inside of you
to make your eyes catch fire
the way they should
the way the blue could pull me in
if they only would
if they only would
at least i’d lose this sense of sensing something else
that hides away
from me and you
there’re worlds to part
with aching looks and breaking hearts
and all the prayers your hands can make
oh i just take as much as you can throw
and then throw it all away
oh i throw it all away
like throwing faces at the sky
like throwing arms round
yesterday
i stood and stared
wide-eyed in front of you
and the face i saw looked back
the way i wanted to
but i just can’t hold my tears away
the way you do

elise believe i never wanted this
i thought this time i’d keep all of my promises
i thought you were the girl always dreamed about
but i let the dream go
and the promises broke
and the make-believe ran out…

oh elise
it doesn’t matter what you say
i just can’t stay here every yesterday
like keep on acting out the same
the way we act out
every way to smile
forget
and make-believe we never needed
any more than this
any more than this

and every time i try to pick it up
like falling sand
as fast as i pick it up
it runs away through my clutching hands
but there’s nothing else i can really do
there’s nothing else
i can really do
at all…

Filed Under The Cure